I Cursed At God

The title is astonishing but yes, it's true. I, Joy Nicole McCall, cursed at God. You are probably thinking “what? Joy? No way, not Joy.” Well, yes! Joy -- me, she, I, Joy, cursed at God. It was in a moment of complete frustration… well, more like anger. There is always another side to us, and I can get quite spicy or sassy to say the least.

Anyway, you are probably wondering why and what choice words were used in this heated passionate moment with God. I am literally embarrassed to say but here I go. In my passionate conversation with God, I dropped the F bomb. As I write this, I shudder at the fact that I did this. I mean it was totally bad, and I am in no way condoning this foolishness, but I cursed at God and what happened next was beyond shocking. In the same breath, I caught myself and said, "God I'm so sorry, please forgive me, but this is how I feel". In that very moment after expressing to God how I felt, an overwhelming sense of peace flowed through me and around me as I stood in my kitchen. I felt God's presence and there was a calming peace flowing at that moment. I finished my conversation and went to church. Yes, another side eye; I took myself to church after a full-blown moment like that on a Sunday. But here is the thing, I carried on another conversation with God on my way to church. I told him, I did not want to be alone at church and I needed a word. This is where things get juicy.

I make my way to church, park and find a seat inside the auditorium and I text a friend who, I will say, is always intentional in connecting with me and loving me through God's eyes. Anyway, this friend and her husband sat down next to me and she hugged me, loved all up on me and took my hand. She held it and then she began to rub on my ring finger. Let me pause for a moment; if you know me, like, KNOW me, know me, you would know my issue has always been when in the world am I going to meet a decent man and get married? Now, here she is rubbing on my finger, the one that the man puts a ring on the day you get married -- yes that finger. She looks me dead in my eyes and says what size ring do you wear? Confused, I answer to her response of, “you look to be about a size 7 or 7 ½” I respond saying: “umm yeah I think so”. At this moment, I have no idea what is about to go down, but here we are in the middle of a whole church service, and she proceeds to take off this beautiful ring from her finger and places it on mine. She whispered “this is from God, he loves you.” Being the emotional person I am, tears began to flow from my eyes and all I could say to her was “there is a reason for these tears”. She said “girl I’m just doing what God told me to do.” My heart was racing so fast because she had no idea what occurred at my home prior to church nor did she know the explicit conversation I had just had with God regarding marriage. In that heated moment in my kitchen, I had asked God if I was worthy of marriage. I get chills thinking about this because God met me at a vulnerable moment during a service to tell me “YES you are worthy of marriage” and it was solidified with a ring.

That day, I experienced El Roi-The God who sees me. Two things I want to explain by sharing this story. One, God is capable and can handle every part of who we are. I have never ever in my life been this raw with God and he met me right where I was. He took my heart, my anger and gave me His peace. I was and had been so fearful that the promises l had been believing and holding onto were not going to happen. So, He showed me, “here is My peace Joy. Do not be afraid because I do not operate as the world does so Daughter be still and trust Me.”

Lastly, I realized that in this situation God not only sees me, but he hears me. I love the scripture that states “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him". Whether you believe in God or not and regardless how strong your relationship with Him may or may not be, you must understand that there is a greater power in control over all things. This I know to be Jesus. He showed me that Sunday morning that He literally holds me in the palm of His hands and in a moment of anguish He sent me a beautiful loving reminder that “yes I hear you, I see you and I’m showing you in a tangible way and that My promise to you Daughter is that everything comes in due season; you are loved and yes you are worthy!”

You see, sometimes we forget how worthy and valued we truly are by God. He has the capacity of dealing with us according to our personality. He knows exactly what we need, when we need it and how we need it. So, I want to encourage you to not ever be ashamed or afraid to approach God in those vulnerable moments. To all the single queens, you are the most precious being in God’s eyes and you are worthy and valued first by Him. Just imagine the time God took to create you. In His image, He says that you are good. So, whatever you are contending for, whether it be marriage, a job, a new home, a promotion, just know that God can literally do far more that we could ever think or imagine!

~Daughter Wear Your Crown~